autotomy

they cut down 
the oak trees 
at that house on 9th avenue

they were empty soul-ed
for awhile now--
wincing at a violent
wind & dropping
arms sometimes like
geckos drop their tails
out of fear--

that's called autotomy--
the act of self-amputation

which i think is ironic because
the word looks
like autonomy 

(meaning: agency/control/
deciding when & where you
fall apart)

& in the front lawn
they must have taken
apart the tree in segments--

the torso strewn in
modest blocks &
to me (the passer by)
the oaks appears
to have been startled 
& come apart--

what could frighten 
a tree like that?

she was old so maybe 
it was just a car horn 
or the bark of one
of those terrier dogs
with scruffy hair 
at the nearby park--

i'm somewhat comforted
though by the quietness
of her body there--

no grand finale--

no "timber!!!"

no thud onto the muddy earth--

i think of the great 
big evergreen 
trees that used to 
lean on each other's shoulder
in the front lawn
of the house on noble street--

their stumps now
fading into the grass--

9 years old
i didn't get to see them
being cut down 

but i feel better to imagine
them like that oak tree--

their elbows & femurs
& craniums & tongues
all piled up ready to be
set out with 
the blue trash cans--

if i had a tail
like the skink or a tuatara 
i probably wouldn't
keep it along--

simple things terrify me--
startle me even--

like the ghosts of
trees-- 

monstrous as they
reach tentacles in
the window to frighten me--

rippling earth 
their thighs still
under the ground--

i lose each limb 
involuntarily--

knuckle by knuckle 

the wood of my skin--
bark snapping--

catching hair in electric wires--

the morning doves &
blue birds will scatter 
to tell the cardinals about
what has happened

to the girl who used to
live on noble street--

her ghost calves deep
in the springtime soil--

i feel the toads burrowed
& still at rest--

i felt the urge
to collect the fragments--

picking up all the tails of
lizards that were ditched out
of fear--

it is a defense mechanism 
i suppose

to let go of the 
piece of your body 
they will use 
to devour you whole--

i'll plant 
an evergreen
tree for every limb 
let go