& the pea 

i arrived on
a dark & stormy night

to me rain always smells
like the soft skin 
of toads  

was i an amphibian 
before arriving here?

was i a skink or 
a salamander-- orange & red

i slipped between your fingers
& down the grates in the 
side walk where all
water goes to gossip--

i rang the door bell
to the house in fleetwood--

the one by the railroad tracks

crouched in the 
tanning factory's shadow 

dripping like a stalactite
 
my mother & father 

opened the front door
to find a girl 
soaked to her skeleton--

wet feet on hard wood
floor

it is well known 
that princesses come
into the world like
this-- 

ominous & un-announced

did they pray as they
found me dry clothing?

did they ask god what
they would do with
so sudden a human--

as i grew up 
i often would wake up through
the night--

sat at the end of the bed
& talked to the red digital
clock--

asking for more bed time stories--

i did not notice
growing up-- the house shedding
it's walls & regrowing
on main street--

when the other girls would
play princess at 
recess 

i never knew
which one i'd want to be
because i thought it
would give me away--

i strolled off &
climbed the oak trees
shadow trunks--

i'd keep the bruises
to myself like all girls do--

long sleeves & scarves--

women's bodies are made for
hide & go seek

go seek the world 
beneath all the world's
mattresses where no
one will hear your sleeping

this is (of course)
the story of 
princesses & peas

canned peas eaten with
a metal soup spoon
from the cupboard

this is for 
our fruit cocktail
souls-- 

picking out the cherries--

was i born from metal 
or rain?

of bunk beds & boys
who conquer them--

i used to bruise so
easily-- alarm clocks
grabbing my forearms with 
fingernails--

i'd get up at 4:05am
it was compulsive--

a kind of rent paid
for being a princess 

what are you doing
sitting so still in
that body?

cutting rows of
corn into the wallpaper--

skin coming apart like gills--

i learned to breathe 
from my wrists--

lifted the mattresses
to add more & more peas--

this is punishment for
the body-- this is how
we learn to sleep 
in the minefield--

sometimes when you
kiss me i bruise &
i don't tell you

i stare at the alien
purple skin

in the dim light
of my bedroom--

nebulas erroding
under my flesh &

i pour a can of
peas out into my
hand--

slide each one carefully
beneath the sheets--

oh bruise me more--

princess with me--
i want to be sleepless