i go to the gym
every morning to run
on a treadmill--
i don't really know
whether or not it's healthy--
it's part of my OCD
but to a certain point
most everything is--
there's this old man
with fuzzy white hair
& grainy stubble 
who always wears a neon
green t-shirt &
he came over
to me at the gym & said
"you're here every day
do you ever miss a day?"
i pretended to laugh
even though i 
was thinking about 
how i don't ever miss a day 
he said
"do you live here?"
i shook my head &
put the other earbud--
when i run i don't
actually want to
think about anything--
sometimes when i talk
about it i tell people
that i run outside--
that treadmills are
so inhuman & mechanical
but the truth is that
i love that--
i love to be able
to be precise--
contained--
my body making numbers--
making miles--
i imagine
myself running enough
to build an island--
strip by strip
like a paint roller--
my father used 
run in the mornings
he tells me he ran 
five miles along
dekalb pike-- 
weeds thrashed at him--
a coke can clinked
as it rolled on
the other side of the street--
did his shoes wear down 
as quickly as mine do?
what was the day that
he stopped?
i don't like to 
think about not running--
even holidays
yesterday was easter
& my gym was closed but i
still found an indoor track--
silent & cavernous
the building echoed 
with my breath-- 
there is something
religious about the treadmill
people find
that strange because
we think that God 
only lives in nature--
i just want
my body to feel used--
when i was younger
& i was fat
my father took 
my brother & i
to the high school
track & he tried to
teach me how to run--
i sprinted because 
i wanted to be faster
than him & billy
but i only got
about half-way around
before i had not air
left--
cold breath in april
when our bodies 
are re-discovering dew--
you can't teach someone
to run--
i woke up one morning
a few years ago with
the desire--
i hungered for it--
white socks & shoelaces--
i did run outside--
up & down the trail--
my father ran by--
19 years old-- 
staring forward--
he didn't notice me