giving blood

i'm selfish to 
keep all my blood
to myself--

my uncle always
goes to blood banks
because he has O negative blood--

i do too--

i don't really know
what that means other than
you can give blood to anyone

i don't tell anyone that
because i'm scared they'll 
start calling me like
they call him--

telling him 
blood supplies are low

i imagine my veins like
a water park-- 

inner tubes shaped 
like 'O's to let swimmers know 
what kind of blood i have--

they stand on top
of great tall slides--
maroon splashing as they fall--

i can feel them 
beneath my skin--

their flutter-kicks & air bubbles
from their noses-- 

all of them frantic
looking for more O negative blood--

they drip wine

skulls crackng open
on sidewalks like watermelons--

their mouths full of red 
& white light sirens--

whenever there's a blood drive
near by i find new excuses
to be somewhere else--

i tell my friends i'm too short
to loose any blood or
that i just got a tattoo
& that they won't take it anyway--

sometimes i say that i'm gay 
& my blood is still probably 
crawling with 
their 80s diseases--

you don't want my blood--

my wonderlusted contamination--

would you start to
stare out windows more?

start kissing the back
of your hand remembering
what his skin felt like?

would you develop an uncontrollable
obsession with looking
up their the branches of 
old oak trees?

i would be worried
for someone who shared blood
with me--

could they teach themselves
to cry like i do
or would they feel 
fists in
their veins?

i'd want to find them
no matter how many cities
over they were

i'd show up at
the hospital 

ask to 
compare blue wrists--

i sometimes walk past
the red cross van-- 

other people laying down 
with the tube in their arm--

i think of them as grownups

as more grownup than me
to be able 
to give blood

to lay their draining 
themselves
as the the clouds take
to playing hopscotch 
out the tiny van windows--

i used to cross my arms
& lay back as i slid 
down the metal slide at the park

watched the clouds
playing leap-frog-- 

on over another over
another