Life is worth living

-Sign on George Washington Bridge 
crossing from  
Washington Heights NY
to Fort Lee NJ

we trapeze 

the GW bridge ushering
us into skeleton

we're talking about
how mom is scared of
driving over bridges 

of cars drowning
themselves in water
like lemmings

i tell you
that i know how to escape
a sinking ship

wait for the captain 
to dissolve like
an alka-seltzer tablet

bubbles around our
cold water bodies

we'll float to the surface

dad says that from
this height we 
would die on impact

& the sign out the window
lets us know that 

life is worth living

& i say that if 
i were going to jump
off a bridge to kill myself
that i would probably
pick somewhere with
clearer water

dad says that you
would be dead before
you knew the water

i don't want to but
i see us outside
of the car-- leaning
over the side of
the cement railing

i could stand on the ledge
if dad helped hoist
me up 

i remember the jungle gym
where he used to 
hold me by the waist
while i pretended to 
swing from monkey bars
that were too high up

has anyone ever called
the suicide hotline number in green
type-face across the button
of the rusted tired sign?

or maybe they argue with
the sign

it's smug statement
written in metal

oh what a body made of metal

i didn't know
as we drove over it but
George Washington Bridge
is one of the most frequently
fatal bridges in New York City 

is there something calling from
the water?

headlight angels
murky beneath the surface

a barge boat collects souls
in fish nets &
re-sells them to the pawn
shop up the street

yearly there's about
70 people stopped by police

12 dead in 2016

looming near the edge

do they talk to each other?

is it crowded?

jostling between all the
margin bodies

the ghosts thick & 
smog like 

the truck in front
of us black cloud-coughs 
& we roll up the windows

their fingers snapped off
like twigs-- 
reaching into
our blue ford station wagon

i want to take them all
with us

let them sit on
my shoulders like gulls while
they think about
how steep the drop 
will be down to the hudson

i have wanted to
be dead many times in my life

it's more of a weather season
than a worth

what is your life worth?

is it worth water?

dad often mutters
these things like pennies
dropped into ocean
into river

i wish i were dead 
wish i were dead 
wish i were dead

are there all us ghosts
then out there?

does the sign cover
her eyes in fear of us 
or does she watch like
a mother

call me call me call me 

am i there somewhere
stuck pacing 
back & forth 
back & forth

is this the story
where we're found
on the banks

our clothes like wet 
wash clothes

we cleaned our face
in the same bathroom mirror
when we got home that night

scrubbed bridges
from our teeth

life is worth living