chlorine 

amphibial & face up:
i'm laying in my father's pool,
waiting for him to fish me out with
the green-mesh net. this is at the house
before he lived with mom, with guitars
hung on the basement walls. chlorine
soaking in to skin-- the filter coughs
up mouthfuls of leaves. my grandmother 
is sitting on the porch & tapping off 
the end of a cigarette, she coughs too
until the world shatters & i'm sitting
in the shower as the pool-smell washes off
my body. i sit criss-cross on the 
tub's floor as my mother washes
her face at the sink. i sit on the water
edge with my feet dangling in, pop out
my eyes like pearls & plop them in the water
one by one until my vision is warped
& blurry from chemicals. my father doesn't
notice the frog, face-up & drifting in
the artificial tidal pull. above ground,
a coffee mug placed on the edge table, my mother
measures spoonfuls of sugar into the water
until it turns brews brown & hot, leaning
down to drink. you bring me back my eyes no
matter how many times i toss them. 
you are a good brother & i am the bad one.
later that evening when the water is dark 
& the pool no longer has a bottom, i slip inside
to see how far sinking will take me. my hair flails;
grows long-- water pressure pulling more &
more from my scalp. deep down there i find myself
as a little girl-boy pretending to be an anchor--
blowing bubbles from my nose to empty myself
of air. i have the impulse to pull lovers under water
to kiss them. is this siren in me?
the chlorine in my blood stream? my father 
looming at the edge of pool, not plucking me out,
watching the frog's body thrash. the boy told me 
he pulled girls underwater
to kiss them by surprise & i never want to be 
like him, but here i am with someone on the hem of
the pool, kissing their neck & moving aside the 
dead bugs on the surface of the water. when i get
home tonight & i'm myself again away from 
the threat of water i will have the urge, i know 
i start digging in the carpet of my second-floor
apartment. i will have to make a pool. i will
have to fill it with chlorine-water. i will
wait for you to come sit with me, you the frog 
with the chemical skin, you the drown
jupiter beetle, you the blue tiles at the bottom.