narcissus 

the Fleetwood pond with the ducks
& the bull frogs is also the sum
of both my eyes; the algae grows over.
i go green & muck. i traverse the 
rocks along the edge where i blink
& find narcissus-- elbow deep
in the pond-- trying to search out
a reflection again. he weeps so 
i blink & he slides between the rocks--
the seed to a white flower that will
grow vain as the rest of them. 
on other days i've found narcissus,
washing himself-- cupping the warm 
water & pouring it over his face.
i warm him not to drink from
stagnant pools-- especially not
the pond in Fleetwood-- man maid
as it is-- with the bass replenished 
each year for the fishermen; one
thrashes & i feel it in my iris.
i tell narcissus that i don't 
think of him like everyone else does--
that i know that no one stares at
themself that long out of unrequited love.
i stand in the bathroom mirrors--
each of them another pond growing
algae to fall into-- fingers dipped
in surface. if the world goes green
i can at least forget this body behind. 
we want to love ourselves, we think
if maybe we hold on long enough 
the water will warp & give way to
someone neither of us had seen before.
i kiss his forehead-- move back his
long brown hair & tell him that 
my eyes grow algae out of self-defense.
the ducks plant their feathers in 
me like eyelashes-- the bullfrogs 
swallow too much & become stones. 
i hold his shoulders when he leans--
touching his lips to the water. i tell him
there are other days-- i pick a white
flower & tuck it behind his ear-- 
a narcissus flower, of course. they start
to bloom from the drain in the sink--
i pick them each morning & toss the in
the waste basket. what they don't mention
when they laugh about narcissus is that
it ends in suicide-- his will to
live lost somewhere in his own reflection--
i lived like that too-- leaning forward
& praying the ponds have no bottom.
to sink us & disappear out skeletons.
today we hold each other in the soft grass.
he shakes his head
am i so vain? am i so vain?
i press his forehead to mine. the water
ripples with game fish. we kiss until
there's nothing but white flowers
& algae so thick we can't see through.