hair gel

I.
a handful. the cabinet in the bathroom.
aqua blue. dad's hands. my father's
hands through my hair. the pool. the pool
upside down & dangling from the elm trees.
oh basketball & 4th grade. oh collar shirt 
boys. a black belt tied around my throat.
staring in a bathroom mirror, taking hair
gel in my fingers. we all stood up. 
the Apostle's Creed. your son. you son.
your blue retainer on the bed stand. 
i wanted the same hair gel as dad. 
got2be spiked up. got to be taut, he
taught me how to make a fist & i'd
punch his open hand. this is love.

II.
coming out of the sink, clogging 
the faucet. blue & viscous. my own
mouth making hair gel. washing face in 
the sink. the cell phone floating in the pool.
ambling between the rigid towers of
dad's hair, his hair line: covers 
being drawn up to un-blanket me. he sits
on the toilet with the lid down. he
is too small. the size of a hair brush.
i cut his hair & save it in a plastic bag.
black  &  grey. grey window, what's it
like outside? pouring hair gel, smacking
against the pavement. the elms learn
to hold still, swing sets go stiff. 
wash the gel off. wash the gel off.
swish salt water under tongue, does is help?
doesn't help. i work the gel between fingers.
i run it through your hair.