when i say i want to paint 
your nails i mean...

i want to show you 
what girlhood looked like 
living in me. a mason jar
of clovers. an escaped shoe lace.
a snapped hair tie. on days like
this my hair grows back all 
at once, down to the floor.
the opening of an artery,
an apology & an apothecary. 
there's Advil in the medicine 
cabinet, what hurts? 
i use craft scissors on the hair,
kneeling in the bath tub.
once removed i put the strands
in an envelope & mail my hair
back to myself. a new address,
a sleepover. i invite you 
& wear a doorbell around my neck,
a choker. a headband halo. 
i mean i want to
know if love is a matter of 
bodies or a matter of time 
& place & proximity. if there
is something tunneled in me,
a sea shell or maybe a cough
of mango perfume. 
something that you could have
recognized. 
i take my nails off one 
by one, orchid faces,
she loves me
she loves me not
she loves me
she loves me not
she love me 
i mean the nail polish tastes 
like grape medicine & sometimes
like maple syrup. 
i mean in the morning my mom
will make chocolate chip pancakes
& i'll wear pink & black 
pajamas & i have a bunk bed.
i mean there's a nightlight
that reminds me still 
of god. 
i mean, pick a color.
i want to show you this.
the foundation pouring from
my face & into the sink,
blood mascara-- eye lash
wings beating, buzzing on
the bathroom window. what do 
you love in me now? is it 
the glass marbles, the fork,
the finger nails?