a baker's dozen

dad brings home a donuts 
from the hospital. they're
crying in the front seat
4 are you
& 4 are me 
& 4 are the little brothers. 

the 13th one is an apostle,
yes we know what he does, traitor.
we know he's all angel cream 
& his powder is getting everywhere,
control yourself.

on vacation i'd get up
early with dad & me & him,
we'd go to the bakery in
the little shore side town,
stand in line & skin would
become warm & fried.


he'd let me eat him,
the old fashioned donut man,
all soft & golden & sweet,
licking fingers.

pointing, we'd pick out
our family. we'd say, mommy
like boston cream & you like 
hair full of sprinkles &
the little brothers are glazed
& sticking to each other,

all the while a sticky bun 
coils like a python, hissing
& demanding we unfurl it,
finger & thumb.

close the lid to the box,
cradle them on a drive back
they'd sit warm in my lap 

& dad would say how the bakery
doesn't actually make the donuts,
that they just order them frozen,

all the frozen donuts,
still, mouths open, crouching,
their golden foreheads & our golden
foreheads all ready to be eaten.

in the kitchen i find the 13th one
& stamp powder all over myself.
dad's been eaten now so he doesn't
stop me & you're all still asleep,

the early birds get the donut,
all of them, chirping in the nest.

i had jelly for blood.
i had cream for blood. 

biting off finger nails to 
see what type was inside.

i didn't want to wake everyone up,
not after all the mess.

crawling inside the box,
i ambled across the dark cakey surface; 

a chocolate sprinkle donut,
miles along i found dad again.

he was a young boy eating a donut.
he liked any type. he wasn't particular.
he licked his fingers, bit them off.

i said 
dad don't do that you'll need those

so he ran away, over 
the bald-headed pastries

i didn't follow him, that would
be useless. they all were crying though,
putting my fingers in them i said 

hush, hush, soon, soon.

& the lid lifted, a down pour
of kitchen light.

the family all crowded around
the box, what beautiful 
little brothers

pinching them apart
just a taste.