find someone

the carnival sprawls,
first just a block,
outside my house with a few
booths: a dart game, a ferris wheel,
a tilt-a-whirl,
now every street i know, all
of them blocked off,
we have cars but no one uses
them anymore
we go to the carnival 
& i forget just
where i lost you in the midst of blink
& laughter but i count the 3 tickets 
in my pocket saying 1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3 as if that might summon you
from out of the whirl of color
& metal, last summer
i would pass by the carnivals
& say to myself that i should
go back, that i should 
find someone to go to the carnival with
but i never did &
i now they've come for me
or at least that what i think,
maybe it's something else entirely
a new plan for the city,
every street full of amusements
full of people i don't recognize,
i don't know anyone at the carnival
they're converting all the apartments
into fun houses, men with gloves
installing mirrors on all our walls
i wonder if i pace the halls
if i might find you in the glass
pull you free & we can go 
to the carnival together,
i could show you my favorite ride
or we can get away, though
i don't know where we would go
or if i want to leave anymore
i miss those nights where
i was so in love with you 
there was no where else
we could go but my room 
tracing each other's
bodies, laying up against the wall,
taking a pen & leaving our
outlines there, i spent a
ticket to get inside my own house
& there's glass where we used 
to sleep together,
i press hand prints there
i have 2 tickets & i'm saving
them for us, 
so much carnival
so much carnival all over,
ringing in my teeth
my teeth also turned
to mirrors, 
i hope wherever you
are that you ended up 
in a beautiful patch
of carnival & that you remember me
& that you eat fried dough 
with powered sugar &
the glittering noise of machine 
reminds you i exist,
maybe you'll even think 
about my outline on 
the bed room wall &
i'll say outside
& will go inside the fun house
& stay there, watching
our reflections as they
move closer to each other
touch skin 
carnival churning
outside