birch tree 

feeding mulch 
to the red bouncy ball
as i cradled its roundness
to avoid playing with other kids
i pretended
all kinds of toys were my children 
who i had to take care of
sitting under the oak 
one pole of the playground 
i watched others
circling the birch tree
on the other side of 
the yard
their grub fingers
touching the bark 
their worm fingers pointed sometimes
like wriggling hooks
towards me 
the strange girl 
taking care of a recess ball
i drummed my own fingers
on the surface 
of the red rubber ball
& spoke kind words
to creatures 
that might hover inside 
i promised this ball it would 
not be used for four-square 
i would keep
this one object safe
until the animal
decided to come out
i'm not sure if i believed it
was really going to burst
open one recess 
or if i just wanted 
something to take care of
i would imagine myself 
as the creature
inside the red rubber ball 
a kind of endless womb 
where a i would feel myself 
the outside me still
sitting in the school yard 
drum gently on the walls 
& i would spin inside 
something cosmic 
in that deep maroon skin 
i would stay there 
& never come out 
hearing the other kids
through a thick layer 
of rubber
their voices warbling 
from being passed through
that ripe barrier
& under the tree i pressed
the ball close to me 
& told the nothing creature
that it would be alright
that some day it would 
rupture open 
the me inside the ball 
paced in circles until
she was tired & laid 
to rest on the bottom
i rested my head on 
the red bouncy ball
& tried 
to listen deep enough
to hear whatever
something inside
the ball speak 
back to me
i by from the birch tree
took a fist full
of mulch & tossed it
at me saying
eat this!
& i pretended this 
was a kindness & 
i thanked him 
fed the mulch to my red rubber ball
& the ball ate gladly