pineapple greek yogurt 

i ate greek yogurt 
every day my senior year of high school.
i stood at the counter or at the edge 
of the tan kitchen table 
piled with coupons & bills & college mail
& i took a too-large spoon & dipped the utensil 
into the white smooth surface. i can't remember
a single thing that happened though i remember 
skeletons & how i took inventory of my bones 
laying on the floor of my bedroom-- how my boyfriend
would press his pelvis too hard against mine--
our clothing still on-- we were wrestling something.
i think of how quickly the leaves came down
that year & how one after noon i stood at
the end of the driveway trying to catch
all the yellow ones. the fruit on the bottom
of the plastic cup was bright pineapple
dressed in syrup. i was always hungry 
for greek yogurt. i bought it with tips
from the malt shoppe. i bought it with change
i harvested from the stomach of the laundry machine.
i was standing on the ceiling one night.
i was not in love with him anymore 
but i wanted to be. i had friends i think
& one of them had a pond behind her house
where we stood & watched the seasons 
spill over each other. i read frankenstein
in his basement & cried for the monster
with a spoon in my mouth eating greek yogurt
or maybe i made that up & maybe i was crying
for something else. the ceiling in his basement 
was made of those white speckled panels
& i wanted to push one up & crawl into
the walls of his house. he kept greek yogurt
in his fridge for me & i should remember
this as kindness. i'm stirring from 
the bottom. the sourness of the plain yogurt
& the sweetness of the bright fruit. 
somewhere the fruit grew & the sun was 
a round blood orange. i hurt myself though 
i can't pin-point why. i would take a match
& blow it out before pressing it into my skin.
a garden of round scabbed seeds. i think i told myself
it was because i was greedy. i lived a dipping
of spoons because it wasn't loving like
i was supposed to. what was 
wrong with me? when asked what the marks were
i explained they were a reaction to a lotion
an accident from baking
a rash spreading
i'm not sure i'm not sure.
he moved his hand across them & i pretended 
to be a layer of flat white yogurt to be
dipped into. i told him 
to take the spoon
& stir me.