i crashed my car four years ago

the metal is somewhere else by now.
tired gold paint. the smell of cigarette smoke 
sewn into the seats. it was my grandmom's car
& i have one memory of her driving it--
working the cigarette lighter & rolling down
the window to let out a breath of smoke. 
my grandmother, a dragon, i thought. i was small
& headed to her house for a sleep over. 
i google what happens to junk cars 
& the internet explains to me in a calm & patient voice 
that they are shredded for the most part. 
they cull the wreck for usable parts. 
for metal. did they melt down
the plastic inside of each door? did they 
notice pennies i had dropped? did they 
pocket them & use my old change towards
a soda somewhere? a toll road? 
these actions must be
completed by angels somewhere on a sturdy cloud. 
maybe they were sick of dealing with
human structures & asked for something more 
mechanical. removing the souls from the cars
before they smash the bodies-- souls made of
murky air resembling exhaust fumes. 
the cars speak only in broken 
over-head sentences-- my voice mixed with 
my grandmother's. she is buried somewhere.
parked underground where the dirt around her
will get cold as metal. she is not driving.
she possibly has no recyclable parts.
i hope to die like that car then maybe.
i hope there are beings who search my form
for items they might want to use. take my femur
for a picture frame. take my cartilage & make
a shark. take my teeth & build a very small piano.
i don't know. i want god to be creative.
the metal is somewhere else, yes, maybe another car
that drives & the family inside has no idea.
has no idea the metal was loved before 
by another human who would lay in the back seat
looking up at the ceiling. who would lay there
waiting for a rain storm to pass thinking about
how he was grateful for the car's shelter.
the water droplets on the windows racing each other
to their own conclusions. the ghost of 
a grandmother lighting a last cigarette & 
swallowing the smoke instead of releasing it
from her mouth.