all you ever need is a cardboard box 

all day people tell me they miss me
& i turn into a vase of poppies.
i should ask them what they mean but
instead i go visit the ruins of my old houses.
holograms of rooms i used to live. 
here is a video of the past standing
tall & shimmering. a poppy's face 
can make an excellent bowl
to drink from. after you leave somewhere 
it is best to knock the whole thing down 
so that your ghosts can bloom up like mist.
when i leave this city what will i do?
there's too much stone. in the attic
of my parents house my brother & i would
build cities from card board boxes.
i would tell him that everything
a person could ever need is a cardboard box.
i filled a box with blankets &
crawled inside. imagined a kitchenette
in the corner. imagined cutting a window.
the road outside becomes carpet & so
i leave my shoes on the curb.
i walk barefoot like i'm preparing
my own body for a funeral. 
what do i mean by ruin? i mean wilting 
& i mean buckling. there's a crooked pipe
sticking out of the ground where there
used to be a house. i tell them i haven't
gone anywhere. that i'm just becoming
more murky--that i'm just possibly 
made of more & more water. they stick
their fingers in me. i'm yes a pond.
i'm yes a kind of 
dripping. there are ruins
of ancient cities. there are fallen
pillars on their sides like torsos.
there are words carved into stone
broken like bread. i'm eating stone.
i say yes, i'm right here-- 
will you hold onto
one of my endings? & it is a metal 
wind-up bird & it flutters in 
their hands. if nothing else 
i want a cardboard box to fill
with cut flowers-- all sideways
& distressed. all of them poppies.
all of them missing myself. i miss
myself too which is what people mean
when they tell me they miss me.
the truth is friend, that no one 
at all has told me they miss me.
do they miss my arches? do they want
a good slab to stand under?
i am going to knock over the vase
myself & there will thank god
be a flowing. which sounds like
a flowering but is not at all 
a flowering. i am deflowering 
the city. i am replacing each 
building with cardboard. i am 
replacing each memory i've ever had
with an empty vase. i could
crawl inside if i wanted but
then everyone could see me.