transformation 

she would tell us to be achnors
every few weeks at swim class.
an exercise in breath-holding.
my swim teacher wore a cap. she tucked 
all her hair under the stretchy surface
so we never got to see how long it was.
i imagined two long brown braids.
we were to force all the air out of our bodies
& sink to the bottom of the deep end.
a class of children turned to stones.
feeling the weight of water pressing down 
on us. i was flattenned like a skate.
being under water with out people feels like
looking in their bed room window. 
i watched the other children 
& noted their pruning toes 
& their goggled-faces. their hair floating 
lightly above their heads. they could have been
drowned. they could have been dolls.
one boy always tried to speak. his voice
was eaten by the water. his words streched thin
& wobbling. inside myself i felt
the urge to open my mouth--fill lungs
with water. i steadied. crossed my legs.
the bottom of the pool was gritty & white.
it could be sand. this could be the ocean.
weeks later i would watch blue planet with my brother
& the narrator's voice would say 
that the weight of water deep in the ocean 
could crush a human body--break bones--
swallow skin. here i was surviving 
the whole ocean with other children. 
everyone trying to be the last one 
underwater. each of us kicking off from the bottom
one by one towards the surface.
an exudos of angles. i wanted to be last
but i gave in. clung to the wall of the pool
& remembered how to breathe. my short brown hair
dripped across my face & i removed my goggles
to come back to the world of air.
i asked the swim teacher if she had ever
tried this in the ocean. of course she said no 
but i still pictured all of us there--
sinking for days-- passing reefs & rock formations 
to reach the true underpining of it all.
when the last of us came up we went back to 
swimming laps. i always wanted more.
i wanted to spend class seeing just how far
we could all sink. a class of anchors.
bubbles trailing from our mouths 
like chains that might link us to boats.