we fed goldfish to the turtle 

but not before i held 
the clear plastic bag on my lap 
all the way home from the pet store. 
felt their thrumming through the barrier--
their stirring bodies. inside they peered
all around. they saw the world flickering
out the jeep's window. their gaping eyes 
& blinking mouths took every detail in.
did the goldfish dream of climbing trees?
did they dream of grass brushing up against
their shiny scales? goldfish wriggling
in the dirt. goldfish laughing their bodies
full of deadly air. what is a mouth for
if not to be dangerous? 
as i held the bag steady
i tried not to think about their fate.
i wanted to join the goldfish-- 
wanted to live in water & travel the world
like this-- a blockage between me & 
touching air. everything held still.
dad asked if i was being careful &
i said of course i was. i swam with them.
collectively we invented a world full of water.
goldfish gliding as birds. birds learning gills 
right behind their beaks. the sun simmering 
in the water. a universe above made of steam.
our turtle dwelled in a kiddie pool out back.
he made circles all day trying to climb out.
sometimes he sat on the rock we left for him
to dry out his shell. we poured the goldfish
into the pool & watched the turtle hunt them
one by one. his beak winding up to clip them
in half. stray scales glimmering at the bottom.
the pool was printed with smiling sea life.
a few goldfish remained & i wanted 
to save them. put them in a plastic bag
& carry them everywhere i went. we are all
eating someone. my mouth becomes a turtle's beak.
i devour the ghosts of the goldfish. they peer out
of my eyes like windows. my dad is proud of me. 
hunger is a beautiful quality
in a child. it shows strength. the carnivors 
are the saddest animals. the loneliest too.
us & the turtle-- our bodies full of bodies
full of bodies. the fish without any guilty--
their dying pleated & swaying.