a fear of horses

coffee cuts me open like a zipper.
i take off the skin. 
thank god, there is my day.
i'm swallowing to keep the tunnel.
here is me & my body is other there in a pink fog,
i hope he's dancing. i only dance alone
where no one else can see me. 
of course, god is always watching, 
but i can ignore him.
headphones were invented for people who make 
row-homes of their heads. 
i've never understood how poets can write about horses.
i'm terrified of them. 
i'm full of folded butterflies & the butterflies
are afraid of being trampled. 
i want to move towards a great horse. 
hoves like the stones 
we'd harvest alongside the busy road.
the road will take you all the way 
to where the cloud animals graze on glass.
a cloud never looks like a horse.
ripe stones ready to be steeped for tea.
i can't get myself to drink tea. 
i've tried many times to be peaceful 
but i favor the constant buzzing. 
be quiet & close your eyes & you'll hear it.
that's the gossip of light.
it's talking about how humans are  
so very fragile. so fragile they 
try to be immortal more than any other animal
beside possibly horses.
horses could run across a ceiling if we let them.
not in my house. 
we raised chickens once & one of them died--
turning instantly into a cloud.
a brave animal, falling asleep & collapsing 
into its small bones. now it rains chickens 
in the parking lot. i don't know any human
who would let go like that. a horse
would break the good china 
& kick a hole in the wall.
i put my fingers through a chain-link fence 
to no where in particular. on the other side 
i can see brush & all kinds of litter. 
i should get rid of my kerig.
i'm used to the instant service. i need quick
knives to pry me into a day. i promise
this year i'll recycle the pods or at least
use them for art.
my body relies on sharpness where 
horses bodies rely on heaviness.
i could float away any minute if i'm not
holding onto something. on a windy day
i watched a girl get carried away 
on a huge gust. now she lives in a tree.
a horse couldn't live in a tree--
that's how i know 
they're stronger than me.