a prayer to my neopets 

what color is the electricity in you
after all these stagnant years?
i want to know what your bodies know
cord thrumming in the dark.
tonight i think of you in your far 
& distant cavern between arches of code.
i fed you from a keyboard & you crouched
in the tangled wiring of it all. 
did you wonder when i would return?
did you talk amoungst yourselves?
me, a single finger in the mist.
i was so young with all my backpacks
full of soot. the library around me 
crinkled & tore. all the books flapped wild
as birds. did you know how young i was?
we all grow up with the desire
to take care of something smaller than even ourselves. 
some of us cradle baby dolls.
some of us plush animals.
i had you. 
a pocket of life in the virtual. 
your bright bold eyes peering through internet.
thank you for your patience, for not dying 
when i was fickle. i now understand 
why a god might be cruel. the world 
is so boring, sometime i feel like i'm still
just moving to fill time. 
tonight i am praying to you & hoping
the words emerge through the screen. 
you filled my time wiht your bodies. 
the whole knot of you.
danced you for coins. 
spun you in my mouth of crooked teeth.
i sat on a wooden chair.
i rocked back & forth. i walked home from you
on the gravel roads to my house.
your portal, a blocky library computer. 
me, a girl with freckles plotted
all over her face. she loved dragons.
he took care of monsters.
she drew pictures of you 
& folded them to store beneath her bed.
she fell asleep imagining you one day 
coming into her world. she tried to guess
how tall you would be. 
i am not that girl. 
i am wrapping myself in bed sheets 
& trying to sleep as you are wrapping yourself 
in static trying to sleep. 
here, take a fragment of the sun.
here, take bowl of ocean.
i lost all the passwords 
a long time ago. this prayer is ultimately
what all prayer is about.
forgive me for leaving. 
disperse in a way you know how.
soak into telephone poles 
& there in to a downpour or the dirt.