high school reunion with the lights off

an invitation in the mail,
no card just a whisper in an envelope.
a summoning. you tell no one
that you're going to the class reunion.
you're not even sure how many years it's been.
your past is asking 
to be re-lived. who were you 
in high school? who are you now?
how long as it been since you considered
the clock face that emerged 
where there was once the blank moon?
a great big auditorium.
that's where you're going,
walking out into the night. 
barefoot & showered, hair still damp.
in the shower you tried to collect
the moments you were happy back then.
there were more than you remembered
though when you try to define happiness
it turns into a rodent & climbs into 
a mostly empty night sky. 
for a second, you are back in your old room 
with the christmas lights 
strewn across the walls. 
then, ambling through the night you are back
standing in the soccer field
sweaty & chilly for a march morning gym class.
everything is sensory. the dark gets deeper
& you feel for a doorknob or a hand
to pull you into the reunion. 
you wonder if anyone will 
rembmer you. had you wanted to be
remembered? yes, just a little.
you want them to think of you faintly 
once or twice a year. yes! a door opens.
a heavy door that suggests an auditorium.
there is a room of talking.
all the old same words whirling around.
your head is thrumming like
a honey dew. how does everyone 
have so much to say? you touch 
a hand: cold & firm. it reminds you
of an assembly about drunk driving
& how it made you even though your never drank
or drove. you feel so small amoung them.
you get so many handfuls. a clump of 
spaghetti. a soap bubble.
a bare chest: warm & ready.
a face with the mouth open. 
a wet canvas: maybe the painting 
you never finished & left in the art room.
so many conversations. you hear 
someone say your name & you turn 
but cannot find the source. 
more people now, all of them chattering it.
they're calling you in all directions.
they did remember you. how terrible 
it is to be remembere. you tell them
you are a new person. your body has shed 
so much skin & so much hair.
in high school, most night you wanted 
to die. nothing acute but maybe 
a firm evaporation. you want to tell everyone this 
but you know it would be innapropriate 
now that everyone has your name repeating.
you tell the room a story that's supposed to be funny
& no one laughs. the darkness looms thicker.
you get down on your knees. 
you ask to be forgiven. there is laughter
& the breaking of a trophy case. 
these people came here the same way you did,
slipping out of their lives to be lost again.
everyone holds hands. maybe it's a circle.
it's kindergarden. your hands are soft starfish.
it's twelveth grade again now, you all are full of 
escapes. you let go & step backwards.
everyone knows their own danced now.
some are sporadic & fear inducing.
you pretend it's sophomore year homecoming.
you felt in love with everyone that night
& here you are again. in the dark
moving your body.