houses & houses

we tried to play "house."
sat in the sparse grass 
behind the school. recess was a circus
of legs. we were the kids who didn't run.
a scream. the smack of a ball. 
went around the circle saying 
who we would be in this house.
i always though of kate as an aunt 
& jess as a mother. kyle would make
a good father. a house grew around us.
clean & freshly suburban. 
a tv grew in our hearts where we would sit
when there was nothing else to do with our hands.
we grew up in houses speckled all over town.
i loved kate's mailbox.
i loved the flowers in front of kyle's house
& nothing compared to the pond in jess's yard.
i imagined our house near where kate lived
because all those houses were large
& clean smelling. no one wanted to go first--
admit to what they wanted to be.
we were wasting time. soon recess would be over
& soon after that we would be twenty years old
& having to buy houses. 
around the circle
we admitted one by one that we wanted to be dogs
& not people. a house full of dogs.
in the family, the best role is the dog.
there is no responsiblity.
no pressure to achieve any kind of balance.
we ran through our house. we howled.
got grass stains on our knees.
failed to build a fence. 
let the lawn grow wild & the house 
fall into disrepair. a twig 
in my mouth. playing fetch 
with myself. i wished i could go home 
after a day of 3rd grade 
& be a dog still like this.
all the words draining from my mouth.
no answers. no spelling. 
no long division. no sister
no son no brother no child 
just house & houses worth 
of dogs. fed from bowls 
filled by a hole in the sky.
the teacher blew the whistle 
& we all stood up & became children again.
we surveyed each other. left our house vacant 
under the thinner playground maple tree--
watched it collapse into a pile of leaves.
i collected one leaf from the ground
to remember our family. 
i was nostalgic even then.