without you i resort to strange acts of introversion 

i started renting out
all the small spaces in our apartment. 
you were away for the weekend
at your dad's big house in the woods.
there were so many gaps in myself.
i always think i need more company
than i do. the word "introvert"
means to turn within, 
to bend inward. i bend 
like curling vines. i climb
the walls with my barefeet.
i use Air BNB. i say this is
a lovely place to vacation. 
the space beneath my pillow.
the jar of tacs. the crook of my elbow.
the bell of a daffodil. the slit
beneath the fridge. i could fit
in any of these. i charge no rent.
i tell them to bring their laughter
in jars. these people were the size
of my thumb. i asked them to teach me
how to be so small. their voices 
sounded like needles dancing with each other.
i pretended to understand what they said.
i didn't want to be a rude host.
host & ghost sound close together.
i kept wandering what you would think 
of the scene if you came home early:
me croaching on the floor as i served
pen caps of tea to these guests
before they made their ways to all their 
creases & nooks for the night.
all their dreaming kept me awake.
i saw tiny movies of their minds
project on the ceiling from their eyes.
these were different humans.
i wanted to tell you about all of this
but i didn't want you to think
i was careless, filling out house
with strangers. did you know 
some Air BNB hosts keep hidden cameras.
i am not that kind of host
though i can understand the urge
to peel open a private life.
sometimes i look for cameras
& i believe our landlord is watching us
on her living room TV. she likes you best.
when you come home she will 
see you arriving before i do.
all the guests have left
& here i am. i touch the places
they slept to remember their warmth.
i remind myseld our landlord 
might just be lonely-- might enjoy 
our sofa kisses & lamplight sadnesses.
she might wish we argued 
more dramatically. will you forgive me
for all the guests? they were beautiful.
i trusted them. you would
have liked them. the house is
bending inward
like a vine.