my life in advertisements

recently, i've found my life
in several commercials. i'm in the background
of a crowd or there's stock photage of that one
birthday at mcdonalds or those are surely
my hands. mom used to make us mute 
the television during commercials.
i would watch the silent bodies
with their mouths flapping like tunnels.
a train is always at the back of everyone's throat.
being born is a checkbox that says 
i have read the terms & conditions.
everyone is selling something 
whether they know it or not. i walked around
all day with a jingle about roasted chicken
fluttering through my heart. i want to 
be on an ad in one of those subway posters:
my body made large & important. i saw 
a poster with a huge whale on it but i forget
what it was telling me to buy. the image
made me want to plunge into the ocean
& see how large i could swell. 
my father was on a flashing billboard
promoting metal bottle caps. 
the caps were placed over his eyes.
i didn't call him but i took a picture
with my phone. everyone is a camera lately.
this is not a sponsorship. video of me kissing
my first boyfriend on a swingset 
in the park is on a condom commercial
which is ironic because we never used one.
i have been a very precarious person
in need of extra products. my feet
are not suited to beauty, they have
little hairs on each toe & i used to 
trim them. i buy a pink razor even though
i'm a boy because i like the smell it leaves
on my legs. watch as 
a projection of a man unwrapping a candy bar
glows across my face. my uncle was
in several reese peanut butter cup ads.
the floor of his car, a sea of discarded wrappers.
stepping inside, the faint scent of
chocolate & peanut butter. who doesn't want
be unwrapped? i miss my quiet bed room
before my computer perched like a bird 
asking questions. i tell the screen
that yes i would like to buy all items 
& all services if i could. 
i contemplate whether or not to but
new body wash. i sometimes scrub my body 
with conditioner to feel smooth.
no, no i don't actually do that
i just want to. the distance between
want & can & should oscillates.
i want to be a worse person but who knows
what is being recorded. before a youtube video 
i watch my mother baking a funfetti cake
for my tenth birthday. she's selling
pillsbury. maybe we did nothing 
out of love. i learned how to love
from a series of images, some of them 
ads muted on the tv. a boy kissing 
a girl. a girl i imaged 
was a boy. diamonds on their hands.
a sunset. a car ride in an endless
wilderness.