a cycle of new conclusions 

pull a golden beet 
out from between the floorboards
but it turns out to be a baby
so i put it back. i'm not trying
to be responsible yet. maybe later.
i have taken to feeding the birds. i toss
handfuls of old toys at them:
tops & rocking horses & teeth.
the birds are ungrateful 
& they don't eat a thing. 
if you really think about it,
no one is eating so how can i?
when was the last time you saw
a birthday cake? once a nail 
goes into the wall
it isn't coming out. there are
two nails in the wall from whoever
had my room in this apartment
before me. i imagine them
hanging portraits of dolls.
i think a child lived here because
there are marker scribbles 
on the back of my door. what else
can you do but decide 
to be a toddler & grip a crayon
with your whole fist.
i've been throwing out a lot
of my life, really just all my candles 
with just a tiny sliver of wax left.
i saw a video online that shows you
how to peel that last bit out
but i dont have patience for that
so i waste them. i picture
a rat at the dump lighting my
"honey vanilla" candle & breathing in
the sweetness. i found caramels 
in the dirt & ate them greedily.
sharing is no longer an option
not in a world like this. 
soon there will be no trapeez artists
& no refridgerator doors.
my ice cream is melting 
somewhere on the horizon. i can feel
the slow seeping. 
i can feel the tragedy of cream
a bubbling planet. a sleepy rock.
my toes are not meant to be
so heavy. when i leave this place
someone else will find 
a beet lodged in the floor.
will they pull it out? i hope not.
things like this are best as
secrets passed from hand
to hand. there is certainyl
a great whisper coming. i miss the way
the sun used to sing lullabies 
to the moon. now they just
scream at each other.