06/10

visitations from rabbits 

when i first moved to mineola 
i was obsessed with getting a pet rabbit.
at the pet store on jericho 
i paced the crooked aisles
& stared at bags of rabbit feed.
at the very back there was a grey rabbit 
in a tiny cage. he had black eyes 
& he breathed quickly in & out--
his little side moving as if it were
powered by some kind of steam mechanism.
i set a place in the living room. i talked
to the rabbits outside. i kneeled down & said
will you come home with me & keep me company?
i knew no one there & the streets felt 
wide & murky. at night, anyone 
could be a man. i locked the front door.
i locked the windows. rabbits
walked by holding hands. i wanted to be them.
rabbits were so good at absconding from
any given landscape. there i was
sitting on the quick sand sofa.
i kept the blinds drawn. lawns were being
decapitated. rabbit were out there
living their lives & none of them
wanted to come save me. i bought
a cage & left the door open. 
i filled it with carrots & lettuce
& rabbit toys & hopes. outside the humidty
was slicable. i took my scissors 
& cut myself a nightgown from its thickness.
i prayed to a rabbit. i asked 
for one rabbit to just visit me 
in the cool blueing dusk. i checked grindr 
& talked to blank men. a man called me a tease
for telling him i really needed to cancle.
i canceled on everyone. i always wanted
to let them into my house 
but i never had enouge courage.
it is hard to make a door of yourself.
i opened the windows of my house at night.
there were no lightning bugs there.
once, yes only once, a rabbit came perch 
on my windowsill. i said, "would you like
to keep me company?"
he said nothing. licked his paws.
stared at me with his coffee bean eyes.
grey fur. he was the rabbit from the pet shop.
i left him an offering 
of sliced carrots & he ate them 
only after i fell asleep. he looms still
in the foreground of any given place.
i trust rabbits & their clairvoyance
he is sometimes the size of a cloud 
& often as small as my palm.

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