10/20

sleep eating 

what wouldn't you do for a mouthful 
of regrets? in my sleep i fork-knifed
a planet. i slipped milk
on the kitchen floor & left footprints
all the way back to my bed.
the lips are the worst of all organs.
we forget the hinge but without it
nothing opens. all my bones 
have diaries. all my teeth dangle
on strings. little hangmen. 
what have i done to deserve memory?
i used to keep a food journal
like some girls keep a list 
of boy they have crushes on.
i am in love with what keeps me alive.
i drank orange soda from a bowl.
got on all fours. bit chunks out 
of the drywall. sleep destruction.
scampering. can one ever be free 
of a construct? i punish hunger.
oh god of problematic disorders
let me learn to love the fat on my body.
i have no dreams to remember 
just a wanting that cuts through
from sleep to wakefulness. 
sleep driving to the store to buy
the last birthday cake ever.
no more birthdays will ever happen
& here i am. no party. to devour.
a bare handful. blue dye. 
i consumed like winter eats daylight.
steady & then only one more bite.
even washed off the evidence
in the shower. drain brimming 
with crumbs & melting frosting.
crawled back under covers
no morning recollections. no, not true.
i am pretending to not remember.
it is almost november & soon
the year will want nothing
to do with me. i set my lips
on the end table. a sliver of gold light
enters through the corner window. 

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