particular weight today i'd like to flicker less. give me a more sturdy face instead of a slideshow. yes, i meant "more sturdy" not sturdier. english is untrustworthy at best & i want as many words as i can get. a family vacation will not be available till the next century. i collect rain drops & press them until they turn metal. spare change. handful of dimes. what did i do to deserve weight? long ago were there mass-less people whose every movement was sheerer than stockings? raised with pew wood i am prone to thinking of the world as a series of punishments. even the rain feels personal. here is a statue of myself made of soap. here is the shadow of the last daffodil i pined for. my dog is crying for me to please please stop living for the unknowables. her fears are more acute than mine like: me: death..... her: death! rain always seems a precursor to something more serious. a hunk of sky. a glob of feathers. knotted socks. shards of glass. what is coming? practice crossing my fingers. practice singing myself out of reflections. i don't know just how fixed in place i'd like to be. maybe i was kidding myself. all good things flicker. candle faces & bird wings & even tongues. it's hard to dispose of thumb tacs. my heart ping-pongs from window to window hoping for a bowl of sun. i want to be that airy--that wisp. human without the gravity. flitting across my house like nothing more than a breath. no footprints to answer for. not even a mask. the rain instruments into a drum beat. soaked through to the fingernails. my particular delicateness escapes again into the water.