10/29

particular weight 

today i'd like to flicker less.
give me a more sturdy face
instead of a slideshow. yes, i meant
"more sturdy" not sturdier. 
english is untrustworthy at best
& i want as many words as i can get.
a family vacation
will not be available till the next
century. i collect rain drops 
& press them until they turn metal.
spare change. handful of dimes. what did i do
to deserve weight? long ago
were there mass-less people
whose every movement was sheerer
than stockings? raised with pew wood
i am prone to thinking of the world
as a series of punishments.
even the rain feels personal.
here is a statue of myself
made of soap. here is the shadow
of the last daffodil i pined for.
my dog is crying for me to please please
stop living for the unknowables.
her fears are more acute than mine like:
me: death..... her: death!
rain always seems a precursor 
to something more serious. a hunk
of sky. a glob of feathers. 
knotted socks. shards of glass.
what is coming?
practice crossing
my fingers. practice singing myself
out of reflections. i don't know
just how fixed in place i'd like to be.
maybe i was kidding myself.
all good things flicker. candle faces
& bird wings & even tongues.
it's hard to dispose of thumb tacs.
my heart ping-pongs from 
window to window hoping for 
a bowl of sun. i want to be
that airy--that wisp. 
human without the gravity.
flitting across my house
like nothing more than a breath.
no footprints to answer for.
not even a mask. the rain instruments 
into a drum beat. soaked through
to the fingernails. 
my particular delicateness 
escapes again into the water.

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