12/27

salvation is waiting at the back of a Hot Topic

i paint my nails black in my sleep.
kiss a window. break an 8-ball.
i woke up in 2010 & went back to sleep.
the sun was brighter & the global warming
had less of a grip. snow tasted 
less like metal & more like foliage.
the mall was less of a cathedral 
& more of a mirage. i wanted time 
to leave me alone. 
do you want to forget being sixteen?
when i was sixteen i wanted to forget
being sixteen. my skin was softer. 
i ordered blue color contacts on Amazon.  
i used to hope i could make
one of the Hot Topic sales people
fall in love with me if i stayed long enough.
asked the right questions. one pink haired boy
folding band t-shirts in the corner.
i had an extra eye & one less knee.
i stole pins-- filled my pockets 
with their little poems. 
my friends were all trying to smoke
on a porch. a roof was a flyleaf page.
i put on fingerless gloves 
to feel the texture of every shoulder.
stared at the case of body jewelry 
& considered where else i could
put holes in my skin: an earlobe, a belly button 
the arch of my eyebrow. 
filled my stomach with neon belts.
stared up at a galaxy dress
& dreamed of being a specific kind
of muse. made circles around the store
picking up & putting down items.
mostly, not buying anything but feeling like
there had to be something i was missing.
some other jacket or dress or shirt
that could make me feel punk. 
outside the store, everyone in the whole mall
was eating a pretzel. i sat on a bench 
& cradled a flip phone. planned to dye my hair 
purple. planned when i could
come back again. all my friends
with their black boots. my bare feet 
on linoleum. laying in bed & staring up
at the bunk bed lattices. 
good morning again, it's 2010. 

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