superabundant

gallons of milk arrive like angels.
when i love i bring pounds of taffy
& a syrup jar to tap the maple tree.
i take my teeth out on the nightstand 
& wait for them to go jupiter beetle 
in moonlight. once, i drove two hours 
to see a boy for 30 minutes. we sat
on his sofa & i watched him play 
video games. outside, it looked like 
vanilla rain. did not rain. slept humid
alone that night like a wrapped gumball.
hungry, we split the last bagel. i sat
in my car outside for another hour
to make the proximity last longer.
all down his street buses full of brooms
came & went & came & went. i'm scared
of being trans sometimes because i know
my desires are hazardous. i think to myself
should i wear that dress then 
would that make someone want to shoot me?
i have to admit it is exciting being 
tragic. when i love i carry pockets full
of plastic coins. i'm ready to invent
a currency. something achievable.
falls from the sky. emerges from bushes.
i want my lovers to sleep in. i want
a cocoon to hold all my many-hearted worry.
what can i do but walk & wait for the grass
to grin back at me? i like the masks because
they keep my laugh lines from making 
'x's on the walls. overipe citrus &
overipe bananas & overipe toffee & over-
ripe balloons. if i don't use them soon.
if if if. ifs step inside with their
shoes on. when i let myself love
i use boxes. boxes are crucial to 
mantaining a sembalence of self.
here is where my eyes go when i sleep. here
is the step ladder i'll need 
to get down. keep me in your prayers & thoughts.
yes, i'm alright. just too much to keep track of.
i might be driving already for all i know.
on a plane to teal moon. knitting
a canteloupe cozie for when you get home. 
i never saw the boy again. still think
of that apartment though. hours between
& hours between. to be queer is 
to do anything to feel closer.