cellular radio

i had a blood noise like no other.
all through the day my cells scream
like fireworks. all the forks curled into fists
in the drawer. i took a wrong step
& stood on the ceiling. my body 
is self destructive as a default.
i put my organs into the shredder 
one by one until none of them are 
distinguishable. once, i dissected 
a toy car & inside was a beating heart.
i screwed the hood back on 
& pretended i didn't see. i am worried by
how often i pretened i don't see.
just last night i wanted two boys in the alley
exchange eye balls. a soft quick motion.
i looked at the grime in the gutter.
then, just last week, i saw a sundial 
on your back. somehow it told the wrong time.
now, i can't read a single clock.
if it were up to me i would talk to you
with all my body. every organelle 
would have a mouth. once i woke up
in my father's desert. dry & calm.
where does your family go to rest? 
cool & damp in the basement we stand around
the wilting chirstmas ornament boxes.
people need a savior even if only
in the form of a juice box. if we could
just take a trip & never come back.
i don't crave the apocolypse perse 
but i do crave the ending. conclude with me.
in the flyleaf pages we can tell 
the story we've always meant to but never wanted
to smash into words. the signal 
is weak where i'm standing. i could my hand
& touch the ceiling just to listen
to my favorite song again. tin waves
wrecking my stasis. but, then again,
who wants to be balanced & certain?