tell me i was the right function
& that all my life
will be a fit of honey & light.
needle enters like a hand into water.
divers searching for a ship wreck
where all the jellyfish came from.
algae eating treasure.
i think of all the ways
we write language into bodies.
the doctor's glass eyes
& the painting that hang
in labs. a fallow field.
little white dog. lopsided tree.
i crave & reject all & everything
that could be found in me.
plead with doctors to hear
the ways my body rings,
especially at night
when there aren't supposed be bells.
the words 'glucose' & 'creatintine'
know nothing about fallen leaves
& how, from my window,
i named their colors. asked my body
to be a real thing again
as if it ever had been.
i learn the world is a spell
of un-limited limits.
the stairs which used to carry me
are private mountains.
me, the sum of the results
& their eye-wide stare.
it becomes harder & hard
to know what is my flesh
& what is a signal. numbers emerge
for numerology's sake.
i have a chart the size
of a bible. scrolling through
a scripture on the aftermaths.
i used to breath pollen in
& exhale blossoms. watch the fruit grow
on the floor of the living room.
my blood arrives like gems.
rubies rushing into a cave.
blue gloved hands. phlebotomist says,
"only one more."