as a boy-girl i talked to dragons.
alone in my bedroom i watched
as they spilled gems from their chests.
circled the ceiling & became
golden rings that fell around me.
i stepped into my own skull like a lair.
there, found the skeletons of children past.
hoped to stay there
where no one else could find me.
at school most days i spent recess by myself.
sat under the dying oak tree
& looked for worms to witness.
other kids would practice their knives on me.
i stood still as if i could
make myself vanish. but now i had a spell.
on the floor i worked to decode
the scripture from my dragonology book.
a big red picture book that everyone like me
treated as bible. page after page
of dragon diagrams & maps. this page
was titled "disappearing spell."
i thought of this as a departure.
wrote a letter to my parents
that began, "i loved you very much."
dreamed of days of being nothing at all.
moving like air. no body at all
to capture me. the instructions explained
to complete the spell, all you had to do
was spill an included packet of fine purple glitter
all over your body. i braced myself.
recited the incantation as i spread
the flecks of glitter. i waited.
found my body unchanged. said the words
over & over. it was like the reverse
was happening. i was becoming more
& more perminant. i cried. brushed glitter
from my face & my arms. went to a mirror
to be sure. yes. there i was.
there i was with all my freckles
& my round face. streets away
the dead oak tree's arms plucked stars
from the nightsky like strawberries for me.
i lay in bed that night. told the dragons
what had happened. they closed their eyes
& said, "look, no we cannot see you.
now you can be disappeared."