strangulation poem

i drive boys to their friends house. midnight.
boys tell me they love me. boys buy me anything i want. 
no that's a lie. they don't. but in a dream, they do 
& i am worshipped. boys burn the house down. i forgive boys. 
boys put their hands on me. boys turn me into a chicken. 
boys pluck me. i used to think i was boys but i am not boys. 
if i was boys then how could i love boys? boys eat in bed. 
boys tell me i can't get enough. i am drowning in boys.
boys' knuckles tighten. i put my foot to boys' chests. boys
are always trying something new. i am always something new.
boys carve their name in my dormroom wall. i thank boys
even though i am not thankful. boys go & will be back.