snail shell

i climbed inside your ear canal 
to tell you a story of calcium carbonate. 
you were tolerant & flushed me out
with a saline solution.
in my dreams i run down a hallway 
until it twists & we are just missing one another.
your tail around a bend. my antenae
scraping the belly of the moon.
i wish i was an animal that grew 
my own protections. i guess i could be
if the ceiling had more eyes 
& my heart was not a colony of toads.
always so hungry. always pulling me out
in the rain to search for headlights.
i know i am not coming home & neither
are you. but if i just had that kind of shelter.
o how i would craft each spire
& twist. knitting the fibonacci spiral
into my bones. here is where i fall.
a dark pit of the self. the cave fish 
without eyes sing a song about 
the unknown. i want to live in a space
where questions coil & unfurl 
without danger. who is the monster 
around the bend? am i in love with her?
did she once take her face off in my mirror
eyes first & lips second? i often will
crawl into the knotted bellies of trees
as my makeshift shell. speaking only
to my fingernails i say, "i only."
a snail greets me & promises to trade places with me
in whatever the next life is. i know he can't 
promise that but for a moment 
before a sudden thunder storm 
i pretend that he can.