flight risk

i know i am at risk of becoming a bird.
this is what it means to be queer 
in a land of fire. sometimes i will wake up
all feathered with an airplane at the window.
no, i do not want any more one-way tickets. no,
i cannot imagine a tunnel without you.
i have boarded aircraft just for the stewards 
to scoop me up & put me in uniform.
they said, "please, we just want to go home."
i was apparently not allowed to leave
the state. once, i was on a flight that turned
into a cloud & i had to spend years raining
before my water made it back to the cisterns
in the yard behind my parent's house.
my favorite kind of bird to be is the long distance
kind of artist. a red knot flying from
chile to new jersey. my beak full of radio.
i stand up unannounced. i go home unannounced.
there are birds in the sink. there are birds
in the mailbox that i am afraid of awakening. 
what if they are going to tell me that i am 
not ready to leave? i am always ready to leave
& i will not be sequestered. i keep a bag in
the back of my throat. goodbye a streetlights
licking my shadow. goodbye all the feathers
i shed & regrow. leave the windows open
so i can avoid the shame of the front door.
i am no prodigal son. when i come back i pretend
as if i was never gone & i expect everyone else 
to do the same. in a dream i chased goats
until we were all birds. you called me
& asked if i was in the street yet. i was not
but i lied. put my body in a little syringe. 
called a doctor & instructed, "tell me i am a bird."
terrified, he whispered, "you are a bird"
& then the government turned him into
a smoke shop. i got away.