chinese buffets/making god

i believed in chinese buffets
& plastic koi ponds.
i would sit there & gently worship--
watching the fish circle & pull their
veil-like fins over their faces while
my uncle & i waited to be
seated at the 
JUMBO CHINESE BUFFET ONE

the place was wedged in
a strip mall on this 
highway prickly with motels
& brambles of fast food
chains--
an arby's with a big
neon hat & a mcdonalds
with a big outdoor play area--
there was an
Ollie's & a used video game store
next door.

up the street lay
the carcass of the 
The Fairground Square Mall-- 
now only good
for Annie's pretzels & rocking
back & forth on kiddie rides--
elephants & dragons desperately
swallowing quarters &
swaying--

the buffet was an exhibition
underneath heat lamps.
i used metal tongs to pluck
hunks of saucy-fried
meats from metal trays 
& scoop nests of vegetable lo mein 
on my plate--

we never said grace at the
chinese buffet even though
we said it just about every
other restaurant (at least when i was 
seven)

instead at the chinese
buffet he let me roam free-
plate in hand & tall glass
of sprite waiting at our table--

we traded glazed chicken &
fumbled with chop sticks 
to pick up spools of sushi--

this is the art of making
god-- i thought as i 
used a whole trip to
stack my plate with 
"Chinese doughnuts"-- wads
of fried dough-- blushing
golden brown & glittering--

fingers gritty with sugar
i washed them off
in the koi fish pond & dove
down inside to lay there
& look up at the ceiling--
belly weighed down with 
plate after plate of
approximatedly asian cuisine-- 
from there the fish swam over my
head-- their wispy tails
like clouds obstructing the
neon lights of the restaurant 

what do you know about making god?
(they ask-- as most fish are curious
animals) & i tell them 
that i know you can pick him
up with a pair of metal tongs
& share him with your uncle across
a table-- that he folds himself
like a napkin in your lap--
a fork when you're too clumsy for
chop sticks-- chop sticks when
your too prideful to use a fork--

i tell them i like it in the bottom
of the koi pond at the
JUMBO CHINESE BUFFET ONE
& they tell me to be careful
not to fall asleep or i might
drown & wake up in a tray
under the heat lamps-- 
my body a wad of fried dough--
shimmering & coated in sugar--

i blink & i open my
eyes
to see my uncle shoveling 
chicken fried rice into his
mouth-- there's still three 
doughnuts on my plate.

i float on the back of
one of the koi fish & i believe
entirely in plastic fish ponds
& making collages of colorful
foods

i think to myself as the
fish chase food pellets between
the decorative green & blue pebbles 
that if anything god is maybe
a pair of
metal tongs-- the veil of
a koi fish-- 
the blush of a heat over
my head--