half

they say to find your other 
half-- that the
two of you will
skinny dip in each
other's irises-- that
you'll love & love
the mirror clean of
a reflection-- watch 
your own bodies become
hot hot hot-- burst 
into sun spots-- they 
say love is a forest fire
& the two of you crackle--
contort--scorch earth--
in the aftermath
the grass is dry & 
you wipe ash from 
each other's lips--
i'm not looking for
my other half in another
person-- my other half 
is volcanic-- he is dormant--
a cloud of soot
from my mouth-- this is the
kind of one true love
they told you was myth--
they told you to be fearful
of the storms of your own
body-- they told
you that there was no one
else inside you--
i laughed 
& back flipped into
the grottos of my own irises--
black water on my skin--
i wouldn't call it baptism--
this is the process
of ripping up
the floor boards--
this is the process 
of peeling off 
finger nail to make stepping
stones-- water water--
everything is water
& at the end of the stones
there's the mirror
you will trace a heart
in because humans  have
the insatiable impulse of  
drawing hearts in mirrors--
my heart fades with shower mist--
i once believed i 
could melt down
the drain in that steam--
born again week later when
i tumbled
languid into the bay--
oh what does it take 
to live a body of
water? 
there it goes-- my
own heart-- a moth--
ringing each rib
a Xylophone until
it flew out my mouth
to slam it's head on the
ceiling light--
i reach for it--
cup her between my
palms-- close my
eyes
& swallow-- yes this
is only to say 
how hard it can be to
keep my own heart
from making a mess of me--
i remember well those nights
chasing
her down main street as  
she followed the headlights
of some boy's car--
cupped in my palms she 
sobbed & my own
eyes became windows--
unable to shut--
i tried to pull the blinds shut
but the whole night was so 
so bright--
volcanic-- not ready to
erupt but full of
silent fires-- i'm laying
face up in this black 
water-- side by side
how many halves are
you made of then? 
how many grottos do 
i contain?
oh & there it goes again--
my moth heart-- echoing
inside-- museum
corridors 
beneath my flesh--
this isn't the kind of place
for visitors--
this is where i
sever-- bud-- multiply--
this is the vastness 
of my own body-- how
deep is the lake?
if i fall in will 
i sink?