r u awake?

sky stirs unnoticed
nuzzles her face into
the horizon-- draws
blanket around shoulders--
i'm thinking about
my grape vine heart &
what you're thinking
about & if you're in
bed & if you remember
what color i tasted like
when you watched the vine
grow slowly into your
hands-- wrapping
round & round--
what kind of night
is this for you?
are you heavy? do you
count your
breaths as they 
escape-- your ghosts
pressing their long
tree-limb fingers
on the outside windows--
these walls were meant to
be thrust against--
do you remember my
birthday or the number
the day was when you
first said you loved me?
do you count backwards
to try to sleep like i do?
i've been thinking
about whether or not
death would have a birthday--
i see him drifting
in the card aisle--stack of
sympathy cards under 
his arm--pursuing
the birthday cards & 
picking out one for himself
even though he doesn't 
have a day to celebrate it--
i'm thinking about how
when death comes for
me i'm going to stall by
giving him a birthday card--
maybe he'll laugh &
take me quick or
maybe
he'll bury his hands in
his face & thank me--
sobbing-- shaking the bones
of my house-- rattle--
rustle in the grape vine--
would you feel me leave
from the scars in
your palms where you
once hold me?
do you remember my birthday?
if you're awake can you
blink three times for me--
i feel you ripple
sometimes & then you're gone--
i love you now
like sink water-- a flush
of heat falling down
into wonderland--
if you're awake now
i'll meet you there--
we'll both leap
down the bathroom sink
& beneath it all
you can find me by following
the grape vines--they 
burst from my mouth
as they always  have--
feel free
to fill your pockets
with fruit-- isn't
that what love is for?
if you're awake will
you tell me how you
image death--
if you think of him
at all--
do you hope to die
slowly or do you
want to look down one 
day & be startled to
see there is no body left 
with you--
is there a God in
your bathroom
sink?
do you smell the blown
out birthday candles?
that's him
that's him--
that's death-- he's celebrating
again-- he's up
he's always up
this late at night
i guess you're not
up-- i'm not hearing you
blinking--
yes-- that's fair--
if you find God in
your sink--
send me a birthday card
i'll know 
it was you--
there she goes--
the sky stirring with
sleepless humans--
our insomnia buzz
against
her star-freckled
chest--
happy birthday 
happy birthday