i have been spending
a lot of time in the 
"seasonal" section
of Giant--
drenched in red &
pink  
heart shaped boxes
of chocolate--
stuffed animal hearts 
hearts warm
blood pulse their
stitched 
'i love you's
i know 
i'll say something
snarky 
about Sweaheart candies
& the romance capitalism 
complex 
but the truth is
i adore Valentines day--
i watch the other
people in the aisle
& try to imagine
who they're thinking
about while lingering
there at 6pm on 
a Thursday night 
in January-- whose
kiss are they living in?
whose love are they 
fumbling
for? 
in the form
of heart shapes that
don't even emulate 
our own muscle 
thrusting blood
down the rivers of
our veins--
dripping onto the 
linoleum floor--
it's a kind of bleeding
isn't it?
chocolate melting
in my hands
as i peruse 
all the boxes
i could give someone--
yes i'm here thinking
about you--
about how clumsy
it is to have feelings
about how 
i pressed roses in
my father's atlases
& how in 2nd grade
we had to give everyone
in our class Valentines 
but that i held
onto the ones for
my crushes a little bit
longer-- taping
the best candies to
their cut-out purple
hearts--
the girl next to
me in the aisle for
valentines-believers
is inspecting
a chocolate rose--
to leave on the kitchen
table for her
girlfriend to find when
she gets home--
a little further 
a man in a red flannel 
is holding a plush
rabbit & cat trying
to remember which 
animal his wife likes more--
i love valentines day
because it's so so
frantic-- to imperfect 
& terrifying--
make material your
feelings for someone
else-- we know
we're graceles in this
aisle together--
as graceless as we
are the first time
we discover 
our blood moving too
quickly for us
to catch--
these are the currents 
you pull in me--
the red & pink hearts--
i don't like to
buy anything for valentines 
day but i wanted you
to know how 
every time i go
to the super market 
i push my cart
down this aisle 
& meander 
in thoughts of you--
i throb--
uncoordinated 
& cumbersome--
i'm an inelegant mess--
wrap me in cellophane--
you make me 
red 
& heart-shaped