i turned my eyes into marbles
so i could toss them, let them roll 
to the front of the train car,

smacking into each other.

is it so wrong to want to be lonely?

i needed to look somewhere other than at us.

& on the walk home i 
thought about how when we love anyone 
we try to make humans out of them,

wait till they're sleeping 
so they're more willing, kneel 
over their body & steal their 
joints for door hinges

plucking out their marbles 
& burying them in the backyard 

so we can say-- only i really 
see you, only me only me

i wipe my brown irises off 
in the train station bathroom sink,
blow drying them to put back in--

you looked beautiful you know that?

i want to make you swallow
the marbles so i can look inside

i imagine you full of 
sugar caverns & slides

what kind of human do you
see in me?

& without this 

what kind of human do i see me as

i think i'm coming apart on
the page

all my blood replaced
with wording

i do it exceptionally 
well, i do it so it feels like hell

that's Sylvia talking

i chew the marbles myself,
they pop like grapes 

& i curl up

a handful of something,

my insides are all train stations

a ball-pit full of eyes,

too many too see anything