fly

i get off the train at
an un-named station

i lied, i eat the name,
break off each letter like
a graham cracker. i didn't
want you to know where i'd gone.

there's these huge tall buildings
with rows & rows of windows 
i'm convinced no one lives inside.

climbing ivy draped fences & 
over rubber tire graveyards
i get to an empty street--

the watch on my wrist turns 
over in protest, plucks off 
its own eye-lash arms

so i find the entrance to
one of those buildings
& i go up to the very top 
floor, because where else
would i go?

each room with a white 
air conditioner still holding
on to the window-- i push them
out in the hopes that they'll
sprout wings when they fall

the first one thuds below
& i'm sorry for asking so much
of it but it's going to
be winter soon & the air conditioners
need to adapt, this is tough love

i'm reminded of the time that
we traded stories of the times
we felt most cold, i told you 
i was on the ferry from staten island
& you said you were sitting in your jeep
in january waiting for it to warm up

if i was there i would have 
wrapped myself around you
a scarf or a knit hat--

i don't give up, each room 
thrusting the air conditioners out,
saying

come on, don't you want to fly?

they're tired, i assume, or lonely,
considering there's no one living there

down below the wounded ones crawl
on all fours, they speak gravelly 
to each other

they trade tall tales about
the people who lived in their rooms

all lies, beautiful lies,
the best kinds of lies

finally, in the last room on
the floor i thrust one out 
& the wings come, they're made of 
saran wrap & months of swallowed
dust particles

i ask the air conditioner
to take me with it, but it's already
gone, it weeps as it flies
over the others 
(or maybe that's
just the condensation)

i don't tell you about any of this.
at the train stop i tell you
the same story again about
being cold & red on the ferry,
the wind made of broken
graham crackers.

when you fall asleep that night
i pick you up & throw you 
out the window,

you don't sprout wings.