holes

it all started with bagels,
fitting two, then three fingers 
through the center. you asked
me if bagels would be better
without the hole in the middle
& i wasn't sure but
i realized how unsettling holes are.
i took all the bagels out
of my bread box & filled
the middles with various
snacks from around the kitchen;
ritz crackers, oreos, &
little plums. much better
i thought. that wasn't 
the end of it though, my brother's
maroon sweater tore open
at the dinner table, a great
big hole from armpit to waist.
my mother & i fought over 
who would get to sew it up.
she won, & excused herself.
once you start thinking
about holes you can't stop.
i paced my room, stopping
to observe my own reflection
in the window, one big hole
in my face, accented by teeth. 
i thought of shrunken heads,
with their mouths sewn shut
so that they wouldn't speak
in the afterlife, how comforting
the face is without holes.
i went looking for holes,
i wanted to fill them all in,
close them all up.
while my family was asleep 
i went about the house fixing
everything from gaps in
the dry wall to windows
(which i realized were also holes)
late at night, searching
on the internet i read
about the biggest hole
in the world: dragon hole,
an abyss off the coast 
of china, a great blue eye
leading deep down into 
the depths of the earth.
i hated it, i had to fix it.
with my mother's sewing kit 
i walked across the world
(all in one night)
i thought to myself
if i can just fix this
one thing...
dragon hole laughed at me,
a small man in a foreign ocean.
i told the hole i came to mend
& the hole showed its
rows of teeth, just like
my own mouth. i opened 
my mouth at the hole & it saw
my teeth too. staring into 
each other's openings
we stood for some time.
i dove down & found its blue
edges, tugging them shut
with the thread. it thanked
me as i worked. the hole spoke 
only in shades of color &
muffle under-water noise.
you're welcome,
you're welcome
i said. back at home
i opened my mouth 
in the mirror. my mouth
was blue.