self portrait as particles

i don't want to get caught in the filter
with the rest of the tap water & the taste
of the algae lingering in each pipe. 
i'm collecting myself in sediment-- the smallest
particles. here are the flecks of 
of my body meandering till they remember
they can become rock. everything comes back
to sand & stone. i dig to figure out how far down
this surface goes until i hit a solid hard sheet.
in this lifetime i am captured. a net of fish
being pull from a sewer drain. a whole knot
of thrashing. in my hand i tried to separate 
grains of sand from each other-- tried to hold
just one in my palm by they cluster in groups.
in the cupboard i could be a wonderful 
fragment of rice. i could hush as i fell 
onto myself with the bodies of all the others.
there is something miniature in me.
i want you to 
reach your hand in & tell me what 
you hear. is there grinding or pouring
or a mixture of both? i take a box cutter
to a stream of water & slice. i let the water
bleed copper & red. there are pipes carrying 
sand back to the ocean. there are beaches 
of rice, warm & supple to the touch.
my foot prints themselves become
oatmeal & i fill a bowl. how all these grains
where once a field were once 
a seed. there is wavering here.
i want jars for all this. if i am 
detained in the end-- don't try to find me.
take your box & shift in the river
for gold instead. reach your hand 
in the mud & the clay. i turned the faucet on
& gravel came out so i filled a glass 
& drank. what will they build with
my freckles when everything else 
is just as buzzing? i'm purchasing
tupperware to be kept in. a rain stick 
flips over & sings. the sound of nails 
falling off a wall. the sound of fingernails
dissolving in a strong breeze. not 
disposable but disperse-able. fill my pockets 
with wheat. the space under my tongue
a silo stocked for winter. i am holding
it together. i promise into another phone.
i am holding steady i say with my mouth 
slipping down the drain. when you drink water
i hope you don't have to taste me.
if you do, know that i am green & i am 
trying to remember.