keys to a car i no longer own

i consider becoming a pick pocket
every time i walk in the city.
it's not that i want to steal anything 
but just that everyone is so close together 
& i want to know what they might be carrying.
just a few days ago on my way home 
the Q train got held underground. 
everyone stared up at the ceiling 
listening for the conductor 
like the voice of god.
there was a man holding a guitar case 
& a girl cradling a doll who wore her same outfit.
we were all very small. 
miniatures even.
one man removed a clementine from his pocket
& i wondered if anyone else was harboring fruit.
i sucked on my tongue with hunger.
my mouth was crowded with faint tastes
of the apple i'd eaten hours ago. 
in my pocket i had keys to a car 
i no longer owned & keys to an apartment 
i had just moved out of. if someone stole them
they'd get no where & i smiled thinking this.
another man in a long coat kept his hands
in his pockets the whole time.
i was scared of him like maybe 
he clung tight to a knife or a gun.
i am scared of what i cannot see.
i am scared of everyone's secrets
& maybe i am scared of pockets &
what might fit in them.
at 4:30 when i left the office each day 
the side walk was always rushing.
i'd close my eyes sometimes just to hear
the sound of all those feet.
we were a great machine at least 
for the moment. we were carrying everything.
packs of gum & pocket watches & 
monthly long island railroad tickets.
i almost asked several times if 
someone would please slip me in their pocket
& walk me to penn station. tucked in there
i would feel safe & enclosed for once.
new york is a diorama looking at itself. 
new york is a the colony living
inside the shaft of a telescope.
maybe microscope. how far away is god?
replace god with conductor. 
it took about 45 minutes for the train
to start up again. 
we should have emptied our pockets
on the ground. shown each other everything.
any one of us could have fallen in love.
any one of us could have had the same items.
the man standing in front of me
nearly nods off to sleep three times.
his back pocket was right in front of me
but of course i didn't touch it.
the world is too dangerous for that.
i like to think i was sleeping there
inside his pocket or maybe that he 
also had keys to a car he didn't own anymore.