aubade possibly made of ash 

the birds outside my window
are not birds at all. they are likely 
a swarm of girls with bob-haircuts
all chattering early morning.
it is important to get a head start 
on gossip & to always gossip
about the big deal topics. the birds are
discussing the impending super nova
of our sun. one bird is telling the other
she should hold off on buying
a very expensive purse 
in case the sun burns us all. 
i want to chime in & tell her
to buy whatever she wants if we're all
going to be ash soon. i think about
an ash version of myself held together
only by stillness. the next wind
will disperse all my pieces.
i have always been fascinated with
places people want their ashes scattered.
we still have my grandfather's ashes 
& my dad won't let me take them down
to the creek to pour them out
of the metal jar they wait in.
as you can imagine, 
there are a lot of ghosts 
who come to my windows at night.
i tell them to please go. 
they mistake me for a television.
i explain i have no storyline
& they don't understand what i mean.
soon i will walk outside 
& confirm that the birds were not birds
but what if they are birds?
we all know animals can speak human 
they just choose not to reveal themselves.
all the time i type out comments 
on people's Facebook statuses 
just to delete them. i'm imagining 
a giant urn full of all my deleted words.
nothing special, just a lot of 
"have you"s and "i love"s. 
what if i am a bird 
& i don't know it yet? what if i havr
a bab haircut. i hope not
i prefer my hair less uniform.
my dog dreams about 
squirrel tails without the rest
of the squirrel. we are all selecting 
our favorite traits from ever living creature.
somedays all i can see is wings
& toes. today though i hope i can
at least see elbows & ankles.
no one appreciates the feet of birds enough.
so thin & so sturdy. if i noticed 
another creature reduced to 
only ash, i would inhale deeply 
& blow the ash out across the room.
my new apartment will be made
of straw & apologies. my new lover
will be a nest of birds. my new sun will be
sour & green & unswallowable.