i never meant to leave orbit like this with my rocket stages drifting like pool floaties around the surface. everything smells like chlorine this morning so i don't drink any water. if you repeat to yourself too many times "this is okay this is okay" it will start to get worse. or maybe i am just saying it wrong. i don't think i should pray god already knows what i want & what i want is to find a twenty dollar bill in the grass this morning. i know i won't find it & i know he's keeping it for himself to buy a case of beer at the end of the week. i left my favorite salt in the cabinet down below. is there salt in space? we will see. i am tasting everything rock i can find in the hopes that one will come up sharp & briney. earth is in a fish bowl of its own fear. looking down i see everyone's faces all warped in the glass. "i will get what i want," is a harsher way to say "i will be okay." i don't believe in either but my grandmother did believe she would get what she wanted. she yelled into phones until the phones turned back into swans necks or deer carcasses. she was powerful which is also to say she was priviledged & white & took her teeth out for them to talk on their own. i will miss hymnals back on earth. i enjoyed openning them & smelling old mouths & old songs. the thing about drifting in space is it's a lot like trying to sink to the bottom of a swimming pool. pressing thr air from your lungs. all the cool kids are eating cheese fries & daring each other to kiss while water sits above you like a big brother. what will i do with myself she/he is a mess. looking up potential apartment on gas planets. praying to tooth brushes. where will she be in eight years? probably not on solid ground or maybe i should trust my own fingers. no, they look like worms. how do you know you are made of water? i could be made of well positioned balloons or scheme of good mice. well, there is no such thing as good mice. they are all plotting something. i will miss myself dearly. he was bold & he was trying to make a name for himself out of bones in a skunk cabbage field. where are the snakes right now? i need to consult one.