poison garden

i planted my terrors in the warm dirt.
asked for a pathway out. 
a dead deer statues. cementing 
of the bone. limp animal. 
once, i was an aimless bite 
of deadly seed.
here grow your foxgloves &
your hemlock. wrought iron gate.
let me in let me in. let me out.
the graveyard spits bones
at the sun, rings it like a bell.
i lock my front door
three different ways to keep out
the ghosts of rabbits.
dunk my head in soil
to get a better look at hell.
it's not too bad really.
all those roots dangling down.
baby toes included. in the garden,
there are so many ways 
to die. it's best
to just close your eyes
& accept a fate. the butterflies 
turn white with sickness. 
one, escapes but dissolves 
in the fresh air. i used to be
someone who believed 
in change. great radical change.
i have grown a garden now
from my self destructions.
everything, but especially death,
is contagious. what i want
is a cure to scoop me up
& rename me. i'll put on
a fresh gender for the grass.
a thousand dead ants.
veneration for destructive flowers.
finally finally. i am so 
undone about weakness. my weak 
knuckles & my weak ankles & my weak 
eyes. slowly, even words 
pastel smear. my uncle
was a painter & he took a tiny brush
to sow my eyes & now there is
not one here to fix them.
trust a root. trust a planet.
& you will always be swindled 
out of your ammunition. you don't deserve 
my mandrake or my nightshade
but especially not my shattered tooth.
come sleep with me
where the roses still have legs.
winter is coming soon 
to tuck us all behind her ear.