blue ink

sign in blue or black ink.
a storm of pens filled the front yard
with cursive tangles. we were
shoveling words for weeks. 
don't do your math homework in pen.
you can't go back from a pen stroke.
sometimes, i would write 
my crushes initials in pen on the back of my hand 
like a branding. all boys are born
with a blue pen in their throat.
who taught you to spit? i taught myself.
once, i left a blue pen 
in the pocket of my shorts & ran them
through the washer. i pulled out 
shirts & pants & boxers all speckled blue. 
it was as if someone was just learning
how to bleed. if you press too hard 
for too long the ink will
bleed through the paper & into your life.
a mark on the desk. a scuff 
hovering in the air. i want to feel 
permanent sometimes, don't you?
i should resist this, but i want
to be loved permanently. not like a wedding
but like a body of water. 
i tripped in fifth grade
holding a blue pen & the tip dug
into my palm. i still have the mark.
a self-tattoo. little corner
where i'm harboring my blue. 
writing, i checked my hand
to make sure it was still still there
& not just a dream. lately, all my dreams
are written in blue. water is blue
because the sky is blue or so 
my second grade teacher said. we should
be more skeptical of knowledge. 
my planets rotate around lovers
no a sun. i'm unconvinced i should 
be worried about contracts i sign.
what is a few hundred words. 
take my blue soul. take my blue mark.
all i have is a few fingernails anyway.
blue is always an expanding color
even if it takes awhile. like, for instance
those blue stains spread until
my entire apartment was blue. i had to leave.
i packed my non-blue things
& ran in the late afternoon.
my bruises have always been 
more purple than blue or black. 
there isn't enough pens to tell you
what i want to tell you. love, please
get away with something. write
me a note on the wall. next time it rains 
fish the blue from the streets & save it.

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