emotional support goldfish made my chest an aquarium. added plants & pebbles & a filter that churned through the night. slept standing up so as to not spill. i wanted a piece of the sun but i settled for goldfish. at the pet store they all stared at me & said "not me not me." i promised it would not be too bad to be loved. promised i would buy more than one so they wouldn't get lonely. as a girl, we had many pet fish. betas & neon fish & a few aquatic frogs. their lives were like toothpicks. bones turned to hairs. ghosts in the unswept corners & under side tables. aimlessly looking for a great endless water. i filled the tank. three shiny goldfish. placed a hand to my chest to feel their color. named them new each day. names are a silliness reserved only for humans. fish call each other by futures. fed them pellets & flakes. sung to them like embryos. a child is always a floating relation. requires water. my goldfish children told me i was worthy. i asked, "of what?" & they didn't respond or maybe they intend to respond later. i walked out into the street & no one knew all the water inside me. they just saw a human, clasping his hands together as if in prayer. i might be always praying or i might never be. the goldfish made no promises. died like hardboiled eggs one by one. i didn't bury them. waited for each to leave my mouth as a bird.