in the hopes i'll never be valid 

or reasonable or affirmed 
in just the right way. i look to lemmings
for inspiration. how a jump can be 
natural & neccesary. i am often wrong
about my own needs. i crave ledges
& too-soons. online i order boxes 
of cereal to stack & make a house.
i live sustainibly or in other words
i consume less & less each day. call me
a great decresendo. the way a snail loses 
her body as she asks questions.
out of the three pigs, i am the pig
with the house made of bricks only
the bricks are really styrafoam 
& the house isn't a house but a lean-to
with a static television inside.
i don't need whatever it is that could come
from recognition. my gender is 
too purple for a name. i make it a point
to cut every mouth i see into cubes 
like melon. most of all though 
i am not viable. the life that lives me
is a dust ferris wheel. has no heart
of its own. i'm not a parasite but worse.
i'm porifera. water for blood.
used to wash away others dead skin.
but this is how i want it. not a plausible bone
in my body. not a sliver of credible gender.
here is where the instinct comes in.
where other animals tell me 
how to paint my skin turtle-shell.
& the truth is i never needed 
the field researchers. i have seven species 
just in my hands. i was never
trying to be convincing.